New Leaf Time

Right, so I realised something pretty big about myself - I have self destructive tendancies. I'm not talking about cutting or suicidal thoughts. I mean, for the past two weeks, i've been drinking every night and eating way too much pizza.

This is how I self destruct. I noticed how utterly alone I am over the long weekend. All my friends were out of town and I was left to my own devices, so I bought three bottles of wine and a pizza and watched DVDs. However, halfway during "Salmon Fishing In The Yemen", I just lost it and bawled my eyes out. That was the moment when the isolation of living here really hit me hard. I'm pretty self aware, but I never realised how lonely I've been until I had someone in my life. And now, its such a stark emptiness I wonder if i'll ever not be lonely.

So yesterday, I ended up on FB and was going through some photos when I came across pictures of myself from December 2011. My jaw dropped. That time was the height of my self destructive behaviour - drinking a lot, eating a lot and just generally being unhappy behind the sarcasm and good natured snark. I was also huge!
It scared the shit outta me. I don't want to go back to being that person. I want to be the person I was during December 2012. Happy, healthy, full of life.

And so, upon waking up this morning, I made some decisions.

1) Due to the appalling quality and variety of food available in Tete, I will be living on salad and veggies supplied by my local resturant. with maybe the occasional steak thrown in.
2) No more booze. I've done it before, I can do it again.
3) Book my sodding boob job (seriously, these E cups have got to go)
4) Concentrate on my writing and studying
5) Accept any invitations offered. You never know when an adventure might happen.

As for actually excersising - erm...i'm going to see if i can find a treadmill type thingy to put in my room.

So yeah. Life goes on. I can't let this loss and heartbreak send back into the bad place I was.