2015

As I type this, I realise that is truly the first time I have ever spent a NYE alone.

Not that I didn't have options for social frivolity, but I chose this solo en devour. And I'm in two minds now that I made my choice.
I would have loved to have been surrounded by people, having a good time, celebrating a new year and all that. But two reasons sent me to the alone part.

1) My salary was dismal
2) I would have spent the evening with thousands of other people - none of whom I really like.

My chances of a NYE kiss are the same whether I'm home or out, and home has cheaper booze and a toilet that I trust.

This whole year has been mental. I started it out with ideas and plans and dreams and by June, everything had changed.

I love change.

And yet now- I don't want as much change as I did.

I have only two resolutions for this year.
1) Be a brilliant teacher
2) Learn to play my uke.

The rest - the personal growth, the dreams, the ambitions - I have them, but I've learnt that putting a time line on these things will just cause undue stress and possibly the world ending.

And I am truly scared. I have no idea what comes next. Usually its liberating, but at the moment, it's scary as hell. I really have no idea what to do.

This is based on my revelation that I had - I'm all for feminism and such but the past week made me realise that I don't actually want a job.
I want a family. I want a veggie garden. I want a big kitchen. I want laughter and hugs and crayons on the walls. I want PTA meetings and school plays and holidays with stupid traditions. I want everything I shouldn't dream of asking for.

I always wanted it. I just never thought it was appropriate under my circumstances.

Happy New Year people.

Let's make 2015 our bitch.