tygermine | A Sad Tale (Reply)

Today I’ve decided to write about my personal life and why I’ve chosen to go sober.

When I was 15, my parents took us on our very first trip to Europe. Now bare in mind, travelling as a South African is really tough. The exchange rates are brutal, the visa restrictions are choking and it’s a very expensive experience.

Anyway, we jetted off to Europe for two weeks of driving around the continent, seeing what the 1^st world is.

I fell in love with London and the vibe the city gives off and I made it my mission to go back.

When I graduated high school, my tuition money for university had been used for my parents divorce and so I began working full time, sometimes working three jobs at the same time. I drifted from one job to the next, not really knowing what I wanted to do with my life, not happy with where I was and no idea how to fix it.

When I turned 21, my cousin sat me down and asked me what I wanted to do. My immediate answer was – go to London. Her reply – then do it. Within two weeks, I had organized sponsorship money from my godfather and was on a plane, all by myself, heading towards a big adventure.

Now, as a side note – I had started drinking when I was 15. I got drunk as often as I could. I was still doing it at 21.

Falling into the cliché, I began working at a bar and steadily kept drinking. Double tequila and red bull for breakfast, two pints of Belgian beer for supper and a bottle of wine once I got home. I forgot to eat. I was always broke. But I was having the time of my life.

Two years later, I was forced to come back to South Africa due to visa restrictions. I was heartbroken. I was trapped. I was miserable. So I kept on drinking. My fridge would stand empty, but there was always a 5 litre box of wine in it.

I was able to keep a steady job doing something I never thought I’d enjoy, but that nagging at the back of my mind kept reminding me that I didn’t belong here. I didn’t connect.

At the end of 2010, I was offered a job at the London office of the company I was working for. I was so excited. Finally, I can go back to a place where I was happy! Then the home office declined my visa on a technicality – David Cameron is totally on my shit list – and there I sat. without a job. Without hope. Stuck.

2011 saw me burn through three jobs. I would spend my free time holed up in my room watching tv shows and reading/writing/betaing fanfiction.

Towards the end of the year, I realized I wasn’t going to get anywhere without some kind of tertiary qualification. So I enrolled to do a degree in English (easy, right?). when the year turned into 2012, I began a new job that I’m still at and currently enjoy. I realized that my constant drinking was sabotaging my plans. I couldn’t drink a bottle of wine every night and expect to study. I can’t go into work hungover everyday as my job is mentally demanding. I couldn’t spend money I didn’t have on boozing it up and throwing my name away.

I’d technically been drunk for 12 years. It had to stop.

And so it has. I’m 21 days sober today. It’s no milestone, but every day I go without a drink is a day closer to earning my doctorate and living the life I want.